Fingerprint.

I think its really important that we always write.
We always write and collect our thoughts by hand
Because if we get to the point in design and technology where we lose
that imprint that personal signature
the very thought of another human being leavin their mark, with their thoughts
I think we will be lost
We'll lose everything if we let go of that.
We need to always remember to write.
Never let go of writing.

Ever, its your fingerprint.

Dumb Dumb

I miss you.
That's all.

FACK

                                              This philosophy works for me personally.

I hate everything.

       And thats how you shut up a woman, 

         call her a witch in the 1600's. Wuudp.

3 am shananagins brought to you by Alex and Amanda from the Photo Editing Lab

Drunk man stumbling down the street
Alex quotes mans thoughts: Man.. how the fuck do I get out of this white maze...

Alex and Amanda as grandmothers:

Alex: I'm going to swear so much as a grandma.. "Fuck" "Nan Alex what did we say about swearing around the kids?!" "Well they'll learn fuck at the age of 13 or 16 might as well be now"

Amanda: "What the hell did you do to the kids head? His haircut looks like a twat"

Alex: "What is that, bleach?! Bleach should be only used for one thing, your asshole. And trust me you want those hairs to be blonde"

Amanda's hallway song:

"Your grandma and my grandma set the house on fire can I get a hay now, HAY NOW.. hay now.. no? Its a song.."

Truth- Self Reflection (well that sounds stupidly lame and predictable)

I just want to see it on paper. Are these now  considered 'things' because they are written?
 (study 'things' its interesting)


I really enjoy learning about conceptual processes such as 'Desire Paths'. I walk them to get lost in thought. Non-concrete path- lovely wondering thoughts. 
I believe in a better tomorrow but know its not possible...I'll be damned if I don't try my best though
I'm overwhelmingly passionate
I am judgmental but hate being judged
I never give the benefit of the doubt unless informed otherwise
I used to talk to trees when I was younger.. kids made fun of me.. I blame Zelda
I love history
I don't believe people can ever see things eye to eye.. we all have our own eyes.. duh.. but we should be thankful we can see ( and have a right to our own opinion)
I see more in the 'small things' than I do in  'the extravagant' 

I Almost Lost It

So I have been struggling with my work all semester, which I'm sure as you all know can be a a very frustrating time. It not only forces you into reflection of your practice, but generates a questioning of self. That process let me say, sucks. The last thing someone who depends on confidence in self to generate a body of work can do, is lose touch with what she should know best, herself. 

Artists depend on their life basically to aid in the ideas that we produce to make statements, to advocate context. Each body of work, photographs, paintings you see has more to it. Always. There is however the ones that generate work for 'arts sake' but then we're looking at macaroni spray painted gold and made into a self portrait.... what am I saying I'm sure someone could come up with some bullshit to even make that have significant contextual value. 

Back to my original point here... so it's basically really fucked up when you find yourself at a wall you can't seem to work through or around. When you produce images and don't really know why or what their value, its just shit. It can be really scary, sometimes force people to just.. give up. For me, I've done quite a wide variety of work. I don't want to have a particular 'style' that I'm known for. I feel personally that it's closing more doors for me both finically and 'artistically?' whatever. Anyways, I wouldn't consider myself a feminist for the very reason the actual label feminist carries a great deal of negative discourse, negativity in general and is a very abused word.. but a great deal of my works content is female. I explored a few aspects of how women can be misrepresented, conducted a cultural comparison study when I was in Israel, Turkey and Paris. I also have done personal exploration of work, through various levels in self portraiture. So in my 'wall' issue with producing work, I think what might of happened is that I reached a point in expressing and narration of my life in work.. where there wasn't anything I wanted to face. It wasn't parts of my life I wanted to share. To allow for people to be able to connect to or have an understanding. Because well, its my life and my experiences no one can understand that and see me the same way blah blah. I reached the tough reality of having to grow up essentially as an artist, and to start accepting and embracing mistakes. Not limiting my work with the perception of perfection in how others saw it. To understand not everyone is going to 'get' my shit right away. Having a pondering moment won't kill me or them. Everyone has their own baggage and therefore (I should've realized this from photo history long ago).. NO ONE will see my work the same way I SEE it. And thus, neither of them will view it the same way, or take away from it the same things. SO. I had a revaluation, a bit of a heart attack in questioning myself.. but now I'm just going to produce a bunch of work which I'm not saying anything about until its done.. 

This will though, definitely be a very big challenge for myself as a photographer and myself to complete this project. I'm worried but need to challenge myself on an entirely different level now. HARD BALL kids. Tennis balls are gone.

'I just have this problem'

  I'm walking through the city today, watching the skies change, the sun readjust to just about that point where no matter where you walk in the city you are BLIND.  All I can hear behind me is chitter chatter from various people about various subjects. Pieces of conversation drop and I pick it up, roll the piece through my mind for a short moment and let it go. Its amazing what people say when they think anyone else can hear them or is listening.
  I find it so interesting that in a culture and society so over populated lacks listeners, genuinely good people to befriend and have serve moments of loneliness. How is that at all possible? How is it possible that you can sit at home and for that night have a muddle of loneliness sit inside your gut, rotting out. You wake up, moment has passed and you're yet again surrounded by people. Its almost like we are so focused on the success of ones self and grasp of the self fulfilled dream we have created a form of disconnect. Its just strange. I feel like if anything, this generation is more connected to one another than ever before. Global Village, a form of ideology created by Marshall McLuhan has been reached. In doing so we now have the ability to carry on friendships across the globe. And yet, with all this great technology, all these advances we still end up alone, or with this feeling of 'alone'. We still sit with that small empty rut in us, maybe not all the time but we all come across it enough to have it noticed. I mean I hope everyone can have self fulfillment, thats fantastic but how can you avoid this new found glorification of disconnect. Its as if technology has began to hollow us out. A text message over a phone call, an e-mail over a letter, BBM instead of coffee. If you say I love you through a text message does it have as much substance as if you were to see and hear it directly? If someone said anything to you really, does visual text carry the same weight as the spoken word. We are becoming lost in our own translations. Is this disconnect a form of defence? Intentionally there to subconsciously protect us from forgetting the real goal we're taught in life "ourselves". To avoid..something.. nothing.. I don't know where I'm going with this.. I'm just thinking.

People are an entire package, flaws and all. I just don't really understand how we have been able to become so disconnected and so obsessed with perfection in one another. Its weird. I feel weird about it. We all relate, we all have an opinion, a care in the world, dreams and the same colour blood that runs through our veins. Isn't, shouldn't that be all that matters? We are one. When did that fall apart. When did the independent individual become so important. When did we forget about one another.

Transition

   So I'm starting a new blog, I had my old one 'Seven Grain Honey' from my travel days. I figured since I'm now back in Halifax, continuing on, a new chapter I should start up a new blog to get my thoughts down.
 I'm stuck. Completely stuck in an awkward point of transition in my life which I'm sure most of you are experiencing but in different ways, well.. we are different people so nothing is really the same. Relatable but  not the same.
 I find myself confused as to where my mindset should be at this point. I'm in third year, have a steady job, solid friendships and a family foundation the heavy weight champ of the world could lean on, that sucker is not falling down. I have this internal anxiety going through my body most of the time. Attempting to figure out my goals, huge life choices and weighing my options. I realize I have all the time in the world, at the same time do we really?
 There is constantly this rain of pressure amongst us, complete school, be rid of debt, become fully independent (thankfully I am), and start your 9-5, seven day a week job for the rest of your god for saken life. I however, have no desire what so ever to slap on a suit that I'll wear for the next 35 to life, continuing in a miserable state of obsolete passion, losing myself in a job that has no substance what so ever to who I am or what I'm about. Maybe it's because I'm 'an artist' or whatever the hell you want to base it off of. I also am not at all one to forget who I am and not be able to answer 'that question' during mid life crisis, 'What the hell am I doing?'.
  I'm lucky in regards to having the opportunity unlike most, to discover myself (how lame do I sound right now.. seriously).. through my art practice (if you will) and chosen secondary education. Most students have no time to focus truly on themselves and are so busy attempting to keep up that they smash face first into that lovely mid life crisis wall which is super funny to watch I would imagine BUT totally sucks to experience.
 I guess what I'm trying to get at here is, 'Why do we allow ourselves to forget our true passions in life to fulfil a stereotypical hollow form of success?'. Every aspect of life is based around the dollar bill amount at the end of the day, but is it really worth it if you forget who you are in the process...
 Some wisdom I learned this week from a close friend ' You can only depend on yourself for true happiness, the rest will follow'. (Hello horoscope writer in the future! Hollaaa)

Anyways, thats all I have to rant on about tonight..

The end.